Tottenham 2-1 Arsenal
Spurs’ lifelong dreams of finishing above Arsenal appear to finally be close to reality as they went seven points clear of their North London rivals with a deserved victory in the weekends big game. Arsenals shambolic defence surpassed itself by conceding two identical goals, which consisted of two identically pathetic attempts at playing an offside trap. Gareth Bale and Neil Lennon racing through the Arsenal backline to put Spurs two up at the break. Arsenal rallied in the second half and pulled a goal back through their tall German defender but at no point did it really look as if the gunners would pull it back to 2-2. For AVB and Tottenham the Champions League is very much on the horizon but for Arsene Wenger and Arsenal things can only get better.
Chelsea 1-0 West Bromwich Albion
Chelsea remain in the top four after a Ramires goal brought victory over West Brom but all the talk surrounding the game was about Rafael Benitez and the Chelsea supporters. The talk before hand was about Rafael Benitez being greeted by ferocious disapproval from the Chelsea supporters but much like Chelsea’s attempt at winning the title this season, it fell hilariously flat. Mr. Interim is safe from poorly made banners and chants with no rhythm for another week at least.
Southampton 1-2 Q.P.R
The big game at the bottom was won by Q.P.R as they kept their relegation hopes alive with a surprising victory at St Mary’s. Loic Remy, QPR’s only good signing of the past five years delivered the goods again to put the hoops in front before Gaston Ramirez levelled. Forgotten souls Park Ji Sung and Jay Bothroyd combined to score QPR’s winner as the Saints were dragged right back into the relegation mix.
Best of the Rest
Shinji Kagawa gave Manchester United fans a possible glance into the future with a well taken hat-trick in their 4-0 win over Norwich. Manchester City kept their faint title hopes alive with a 1-0 victory over ‘destined for the drop’ Aston Villa in a game that featured two sides who didn’t really seem to want to be participating in Mondays match, perhaps having already accepted their seasons faith. Everton kept their Champions League hopes alive by easing past Reading, whilst Swansea suffered no Cup Final hangover with a 1-0 win over Newcastle. Liverpool continue to hammer the cannon fodder by somehow unconvincingly and convincingly beating Wigan 4-0. Sunderland and Fulham drew 2-2 in a game that probably only Sunderland and Fulham knew was taking place, and finally at the Britannia, two of the leagues finest footballing sides were on show as West Ham beat Stoke 1-0.
Too Good Too Bad
Harry Redknapp angry delight watch
As the final whistle at St. Mary’s blew on Saturday evening, ‘Arry Redknapp appeared to completely explode. It may just have been constipation but Harry Redknapp’s bulging angry/delighted red face and aggressive fist pumping will be an image forever remembered.
Incredibly rubbish defending watch
Wigan, Aston Villa and Arsenal took rubbish defending to major heights this weekend with outrageously poor marking, poorly executed offside traps and the old classic, two left feet syndrome. Ciaran Clark, Thomas Vermaelen and Gary Caldwell were the stars of this weeks incredibly rubbish defending.
Tuesday 5 March 2013
Tuesday 5 February 2013
Premier League Gameweek 25 - Featuring annoying Newcastle French Puns & 'Arry 'Deadline Day ' Redknapp
Game of the weekend
The blue half of Manchester’s hold on the title was further weakened this weekend as Liverpool came away from the Etihad with a 2-2 draw. Edin Dzeko had put City ahead before former blue Daniel Sturridge brought Liverpool level, thankfully Sturridge resisted the urge to inflict upon us one of his horribly embarrassing dances. A seemingly rejuvenated Steven Gerrard fired Liverpool in front only for Pepe Reina to produce one of his ‘rare mistakes’ and allow Serio Aguero to bring City level. Despite the goal there was no late show and City dropped more vital points in the title race. To quote Roberto Mancini “In this moment” it will be very difficult for Manchester City to end this season as Champions but a timely reminder of last season should keep them believing.
Fulham 0-1 Manchester United
Earlier in the weekend Manchester United had gone ten points clear with a hardworking victory away at Fulham, Wayne Rooney continuing his good run of form with a late winner. The game was more memorable however for the floodlights failing a few minutes before half time leading to ESPN pundit John Barnes asking the daftest question of the season….‘would there be ten minutes added on time?.
Olympique Newcastle (formerly known as Alan Pardew’s eight year deal) 3-2 Chelsea
Rafael Benitez continues to make friends and influence people at SW6 as Chelsea fell to another second half collapse. The French revolution at Newcastle the latest to torment Chelsea as they deservedly edged a five goal thriller. An eventful game burst into life when returning villain Demba Ba was struck in the face by Fabricio Coloccini, leaving the Senegalese forward with a broken nose. Jonas Gutierrez put Le Toon in front just before half time but despite two wonder goals from Juan Mata and Frank Lampard it was Newcastle who finished with the Je Ne Sais Quo as new signing Moussa Sissoko struck twice to give Ze Geordies the victory and leave a host of people irritatingly throwing around French puns.
Best of the Rest
Another stunning goal from Gareth Bale saw Tottenham close the gap on faltering Chelsea as they defeated West Brom 1-0 at the Hawthorns. Goran Popov was sent off for inadequately spitting at Kyle Walker as Spurs Top 4 finish gathered momentum. Arsenal kept up the pace with a 1-0 victory over Stoke, whilst Everton and Aston Villa shared a six goal thriller in a belter at Goodison Park.
Reading continued their Manchester United parody with another late show to see off Sunderland. QPR’s bus was held or rather held Norwich to a goalless draw whist Wigan and Southampton drew 2-2 in the other relegation six pointer. Finally West Ham eased their own relegation fears with a 1-0 home win over Swansea.
Too Good Too Bad
Transfer deadline day starring Harry Redknapp
Another deadline day, and once again good old ‘Arry managed to outdo Sky Sports presenter Jim White in the attention seeking stakes. The cheeky chappy first of all spent much of deadline day trying to buy players from former club Spurs that he deemed not good enough to play for Spurs. Bentley, Jenas, Townsend and Crouch are four players that Redknapp either sold or left in the reserves in his final two years at Spurs, yet on deadline day these players suddenly became crucial in his attempts to ensure QPR’s Premier League status. Despite the fact he had the entire month of January to sign players better than Bentley, Jenas, Crouch and Townsend.
He also spent a significant amount of time in January talking about not talking about other clubs players……by talking about other clubs players. For example “Mo Diame at West Ham is a triffic player, he’s got triffic tenacity but you know me Geoff, I don’t like to talk about other clubs players”.
His habits also rubbed off on one of the players he attempted to tap up during January - Peter Odemwingie, whom created history by becoming the first ever footballer to tap himself up. ‘Arry was so impressed he felt “sorry for the lad”.
Tony Pulis unfounded outrage watch
This week Tony Pulis hit new heights of unfounded outrage by complaining about Arsenal players rightfully protesting against a wrongly disallowed goal. The goal was subsequently given. Not only were there no Arsenal players offside as Lukas Podolski struck the free kick but the ball deflected off a Stoke City player, yet Tony Pulis manager of Stoke City, yes Stoke City, was outraged with the level of Arsenal protest. Unsurprisingly Pulis did not comment on Ryan Shawcross getting away with a horror challenge that should have resulted in a red card. Next week look out for Tony Pulis being outraged at Reading’s long ball and overly physical tactics.
Tuesday 22 January 2013
Premier League Review - Gameweek 23
Game of the weekend
Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal
A game of two halves at Stamford Bridge as Arsenal’s stuttering campaign suffered another setback. It could have been very different had they not completely forgotten how to play football for the entirety of the first half. It was a bit like watching a game of FIFA where one of individual’s playing doesn’t know what buttons to press on the controller. Chelsea raced into a 2-0 lead thanks to Juan Mata and Frank Lampard’s 150th penalty kick for the blues. Despite finding their feet in the second half and pulling a goal back through Theo Walcott, it was a disappointing day in a big game for Arsenal yet again.
Tottenham 1-1 Manchester United
How do you set up against a team you’ve been beaten by once in 24 games? How do you set up against a team you’ve finished above for the best part of two and a half decades? How do you set up against a team you’re clearly better than?
You set up by sticking ten men behind the ball, hoping for the best and by double marking a Cristiano Ronaldo tribute act. These were the tactics adopted by United for Sunday’s late game against Barcelo….sorry Tottenham. The unusual defensive approach did ‘work’ for the best part of 92 minutes after Robin Van Persie had headed United ahead in the first half. But after continually inviting pressure from the home side, a procession of errors eventually led to Clint Dempsey equalising for Spurs and earning them a thoroughly deserved point.
West Brom 2-2 Aston Villa
Arsenal weren’t the only side to spend an entire first half horribly playing football this weekend. In the Saturday evening game West Brom had set the bar fairly high with an inept first half display in the West Midlands Derby. Two terrific goals from Christian Benteke and Gabby Agbonlahor had put Villa 2-0 up at the break. West Brom Suddenly remembered how to play football in the second half, either that or they were reminded by Steve Clarke of how incredibly rubbish Aston Villa actually are. They pulled it back to 2-2 but will probably be disappointed that they weren’t able to find a winner.
Best of the Rest
Liverpool continued their run of victories over teams that aren’t very good with a 5-0 home win over Norwich. Manchester City closed the gap on United with an unpredictable 2-0 home win over Fulham.
Michael Owen scored for the first time since 2011 but it was in vein as Stoke were well beaten at Swansea. Alan Pardews Eight Year Deal sunk to new depths with a 2-1 home defeat to a team sponsored by Waitrose - Reading. Q.P.R’s bus continues to collect points as it held firm at West Ham as both teams shared the spoils. Sunderland won at Wigan whilst in the Monday night game Southampton and Everton wasted everybody’s time with a forgettable 0-0 draw. The only highlight being Jason Puncheon leaving the field to ‘relieve’ himself.
Too Good Too Bad
Bacary Valencia Antonio Sagna
That’s right, two of the most consistent performers in recent seasons have apparently morphed into one completely useless footballer. Taking turns in playing for Arsenal and Manchester United, Bacary Valencia Antonio Sagna is a player who plays with two left feet and is completely incapable of doing the very basic things expected of a Premier League footballer.
Sir Alex Ferguson attention diversion watch
After United’s 1-1 draw at Spurs on Sunday, the United manager spent the entirety of the post match interview……not talking about the match. Instead focusing on the officials whom he had less that kind words for. This diversion tactic appears to be deployed anytime United are unable to win a match. Should United drop points in their next home game with Southampton, look out for Sir Alex giving his views on Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece Django Unchained.
Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal
A game of two halves at Stamford Bridge as Arsenal’s stuttering campaign suffered another setback. It could have been very different had they not completely forgotten how to play football for the entirety of the first half. It was a bit like watching a game of FIFA where one of individual’s playing doesn’t know what buttons to press on the controller. Chelsea raced into a 2-0 lead thanks to Juan Mata and Frank Lampard’s 150th penalty kick for the blues. Despite finding their feet in the second half and pulling a goal back through Theo Walcott, it was a disappointing day in a big game for Arsenal yet again.
Tottenham 1-1 Manchester United
How do you set up against a team you’ve been beaten by once in 24 games? How do you set up against a team you’ve finished above for the best part of two and a half decades? How do you set up against a team you’re clearly better than?
You set up by sticking ten men behind the ball, hoping for the best and by double marking a Cristiano Ronaldo tribute act. These were the tactics adopted by United for Sunday’s late game against Barcelo….sorry Tottenham. The unusual defensive approach did ‘work’ for the best part of 92 minutes after Robin Van Persie had headed United ahead in the first half. But after continually inviting pressure from the home side, a procession of errors eventually led to Clint Dempsey equalising for Spurs and earning them a thoroughly deserved point.
West Brom 2-2 Aston Villa
Arsenal weren’t the only side to spend an entire first half horribly playing football this weekend. In the Saturday evening game West Brom had set the bar fairly high with an inept first half display in the West Midlands Derby. Two terrific goals from Christian Benteke and Gabby Agbonlahor had put Villa 2-0 up at the break. West Brom Suddenly remembered how to play football in the second half, either that or they were reminded by Steve Clarke of how incredibly rubbish Aston Villa actually are. They pulled it back to 2-2 but will probably be disappointed that they weren’t able to find a winner.
Best of the Rest
Liverpool continued their run of victories over teams that aren’t very good with a 5-0 home win over Norwich. Manchester City closed the gap on United with an unpredictable 2-0 home win over Fulham.
Michael Owen scored for the first time since 2011 but it was in vein as Stoke were well beaten at Swansea. Alan Pardews Eight Year Deal sunk to new depths with a 2-1 home defeat to a team sponsored by Waitrose - Reading. Q.P.R’s bus continues to collect points as it held firm at West Ham as both teams shared the spoils. Sunderland won at Wigan whilst in the Monday night game Southampton and Everton wasted everybody’s time with a forgettable 0-0 draw. The only highlight being Jason Puncheon leaving the field to ‘relieve’ himself.
Too Good Too Bad
Bacary Valencia Antonio Sagna
That’s right, two of the most consistent performers in recent seasons have apparently morphed into one completely useless footballer. Taking turns in playing for Arsenal and Manchester United, Bacary Valencia Antonio Sagna is a player who plays with two left feet and is completely incapable of doing the very basic things expected of a Premier League footballer.
Sir Alex Ferguson attention diversion watch
After United’s 1-1 draw at Spurs on Sunday, the United manager spent the entirety of the post match interview……not talking about the match. Instead focusing on the officials whom he had less that kind words for. This diversion tactic appears to be deployed anytime United are unable to win a match. Should United drop points in their next home game with Southampton, look out for Sir Alex giving his views on Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece Django Unchained.
Arsene Wenger ‘lie’ watch
As Crystal Palace starlet Wilfred Zaha appeared to be closing in on a move to Manchester United, Arsene Wenger’s damage limitation exercise was to tell arguably the funniest lie of the season.
The Arsenal manager claimed Arsenal were ‘never in’ for Zaha, despite the fact he’d only minutes earlier stated that Arsenal had watched the player. There’s also the fact Steve Bould has been spotted at Selhurst Park this season but hey, perhaps he was there to cast an eye on Palace goal machine Glen Murray, who is likely to be a better option than Oliver ‘I bet I can miss this’ Giroud.
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