Gameweek 19 - Boxing Day Madness

Game of the Weekend

Manchester United 4-3 Newcastle United
Like most Manchester United games this season, defending was not an option, only a limitation. Manchester United defend so badly these days, that they posses the ability to make other teams defend badly, even teams who generally defend well. That’ll explain why Stoke City somehow let in four goals at Old Trafford and Manchester City let in three at home to United. Newcastle on a good day defend pretty badly, so it was no surprise to seem them outdo United in the bad defending stakes in this seven goal thriller.
An enthralling game at Old Trafford as Newcastle led three times thanks to several gifts from United players. United twice levelled thanks to goals from defenders refusing to do any defending, before van Persie and Hernandez sealed the points for the reds. In between all the gifts being handed out on the pitch, the sidelines offered no festive joy for the officials, as they took a verbal pasting from Sir Alex Ferguson, Alan Pardew and the entire Newcastle coaching team.

Stoke 3-1 Liverpool
A Stoke City home game that doesn’t end 1-1 or 1-0 is about as rare as an Emile Heskey goal. And  though the score line came as a surprise, the manor and method of Stoke City’s goals certainly weren’t.
It took about thirty seconds for Stoke City players to begin their customary shirt pulling, Ryan Shawcross bringing down Luis Suarez in the area for an early Liverpool penalty, which was converted by Steven Gerrard. But from then on in, it was all Stoke- throw in, corner, throw in, flick on, lucky bounce, 3-1, game, set and match. In the middle of it all Luis Suarez attempted several nutmegs, Stewart Downing mis-controlled the ball and Robert Huth put someone in a headlock. Stoke City still unbeaten at home this season.


Sunderland 1-0 Manchester City
Remember at the start of the season when Manchester City sold Adam Johnson and signed Scott Sinclair and every man and his dog simultaneously uttered the words “well that’ll come back and bite them”.
Well, today was that day, a boxing day where City’s title challenge suffered a significant but by no means knockout blow, as Adam Johnson struck the winner against his former club. Scott Sinclair wasn’t present, he was most likely sitting at home, stuffing his face with Helen Flanaghan’s poorly cooked turkey breasts or something like that.


Best of the Rest
A bad week for Aston Villa as they somehow managed to perform as spinelessly and gutlessly during their 4-0 trouncing at home to Spurs as they did in their 8-0 trouncing at Chelsea just a few days earlier. Gareth Bale stealing the show with a hat trick and his silly heart celebration.
Harry Redknapp’s honeymoon period at Q.P.R is all but over after his side lost again, this time to West Brom, though Harry Redknapp’s excitement at the impeding January transfer window will put these defeats at the bottom of his Christmas to do list.
Everton 2-1 Away team (Wigan), like Stoke City and their familiar home game score line, Everton sealed their customary 2-1 home win thanks to goals from Leon Osman and Phil Jagielka. For Wigan, it’s getting to that point of the season where they appear to be completely hopeless and heading towards the relegation exit door, what they’re really doing is re-charging their batteries for their Barcelona like recovery in the middle of next Spring.
Juan Mata continued to outshine Eden Hazard as he struck the winner as Chelsea won at Norwich, Chelsea are entering that phase of the season where they win games they’re supposed to win and thus declare that they are ‘back’ and are once again in the title race. In reality, none of these things are of course true.
Finally, Fulham and Southampton drew 1-1 at Craven Cottage, whilst Reading held Swansea to a goalless draw.


Too Good Too Bad

Manchester United comebacks theory
I have a theory as to why Manchester United continue to deliberately fall behind in games before turning them around and winning.
It’s as if United are on a mission to win the league this year by doing what Manchester City did to Q.P.R….every single game.…. in order to make a point. A very risky mission it is, but so far it’s so good for Sir Alex Ferguson and his side.

Match of the Day Pundits Watch
We all have our opinions on the opinions of the Match of the Day pundits, like the fact Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson appear to be getting more and more tanned by the week. Or the fact with each passing week, an extra button is undone from their horrifically designed shirts. The general consensus is that the Match of the Day pundits say very basic things and generally have no opinions of their own. This week, this was taken to a new level. During the Boxing Day broadcast Mark Lawrenson stated that Wigan would be safe from relegation, he then turned to Alan Shearer to gauge an opinion but rather than wait to see what Mr. Shearer had to say, Mark Lawrenson simply said “say yes, agree with me” to which Shearer….did. Punditry at it’s finest.

Joe Hart ‘rare mistake’ Watch
After his howler at Sunderland gifted the Mackems all three points, Joe Hart’s mistake was described as being ‘rare‘. For anyone who’s watched Joe Hart this season without ‘Brave England player’ glasses on. It was hilariously incorrect to describe his mistake as ‘rare’. Since about September Joe Hart has averaged roughly one mistake a week, from shipping weak Champions League goals against Real Madrid and Ajax to clangers against Spurs and Arsenal, Sunderland on Wednesday was anything but ‘rare‘.

Premier League Review - Gameweek 16

Game of the weekend

Manchester City 2-3 Manchester United

Two years unbeaten at home - unbeaten all season - Sergio Aguero - ninety three minutes and twenty seconds - Q.P.R - final day. Months of Manchester City runs, months of repeats, reminders and torment for Manchester United, came to an end as they tasted revenge of the sweetest kind. 

Robin van Persie's injury time winner gave United a vital three points over neighbours City to put them six points clear at the top of the table.

United had raced into a two nil half time lead thanks to a brace from Wayne Rooney but City showed their mental strength again by pulling the game back to 2-2 with just five minutes to go. A wrongly disallowed third United goal and a possible penalty were insignificant as Robin van Persies 91st minute free kick deflected off a half arsed Samir Nasri to secure the points.

A pulsating Derby ended on a sour note as City fans raged in the stands. Coins pelted down as the United players celebrated their victory with Rio Ferdinand suffering a cut eye. For Manchester City it was very typical, throwing money at their problems once again. Problems which extend to being out of Europe and off the pace in the title race, but after recovering from an eight point lead with just five games to play last season, you'd be a fool to write them off just yet.

West Ham AKA England 'B'(more on this later) 2-3 Liverpool

The question of how Liverpool would cope without the loveable Luis Suarez was answered emphatically as they hit the net three times in another excellent game. Glen Johnson's stunning opener showed all his prowess going forward but he was exposed defensively again as West Ham turned things around before half time.

That was as good as it got for Big Sam's men though as Liverpool turned it around in the second half. Former footballer Joe Cole surprising everyone (including himself) by equalising, before a man named Jonjo forced James Collins into scoring an own goal. Liverpool have now won their last two games, the first time they've done this since the backpass rule was introduced. They also now find themselves just a few points off the Champions League places.

Everton 2-1 Tottenham

Tottenhams nack for bottling rared its ugly head again as they threw away a lead for the seventh time this season. American Gangster Clint Dempsey had put Spurs ahead with probably the worse goal you'll see all season but two injury time goals won it for Everton. The race for fourth continues to heat up but it appears to be a race that nobody actually wants to win.

Best of the Rest

Arsenal beat West Brom thanks to two suspicious penalties, unfortunately for Arsenal they're so far down the table that nobody actually cared, except for maybe West Brom. 

Fernando Torres kept up his run of scoring against terrible opposition as he struck twice during Chelsea's 3-1 away win at Sunderland.

Harry Redknapp has turned Q.P.R from the team that never win..... into the team that still never win, two goals a piece as they were held at Wigan. 

Aston Villa and Stoke took some throw ins in a stalemate at Villa Park, Norwich continued their very strange unbeaten run as they shared a seven goal thriller with Swansea, whilst Southampton beat Reading.

And finally on Monday Night Alan Pardew's eight year deal lost 2-1 at Fulham.

Too Good Too Bad

Manchester United Coin Throwing Watch

It appears a Manchester United player(s) scoring and celebrating a goal, is the signal for opposition fans to pelt them with coins. At Stamford Bridge Javier Hernandez suffered from the torrent of copper and at the Etihad on Sunday it was the whole United team.

Perhaps it's time Sir Alex had a word with his players for having the audacity to score and celebrate goals. If this disgusting behaviour continues from Fergie's boys, you'd hope the FA would step in and have some words.

West Ham England 'B'/ Big Sam job application

Still disillusioned with not getting the England job, Sam Allardyce is using West Ham as his personal experiment...this personal experiment?.... to finish in the top six of the Premier League by using English players - not good enough to play for England.

At one stage on Sunday West Ham's team included SIX English players - Noble, Nolan, Jarvis, Taylor, Cole and Tomkins.

Players who've either a) been mistakenly capped or called up by England, or b) mistakenly mentioned for possible England call ups. Gary O'Neil and the unplayable Andy Carroll both missed Sundays match but fall into the above categories.

Rafael Benitez non celebration

Last week against West Ham, Chelsea's first goal under Benitez was greeted by the return of his famous non celebration.

This famous non celebration involves Rafael Benitez refusing to smile or show any emotion or joy in response to the fact his team has just scored a goal. Instead it involves Benitez making several obnoxious tactical hand gestures, as if he's just single handedly crafted the goal himself.